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A Family’s Guide…For Dummies
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A Family's Guide to the Military For Dummies
I suppose we have all read the military books on how to be a good spouse…have they helped? After awhile I gave up on how to books, I wanted to read something I could relate to a little bit better. I read some great books by some amazing mil-spouse authors. Then I came across a how to book that I just couldn’t pass up. Now bare in mind I am not being paid to write this but I thought it’d be worth sharing. A Family’s Guide to the Military for Dummies is a great resource.
Skeptical
I was definitely unsure about the book at first. How would people who right books on subjects all over the place know anything about military family life? What really drew me in was the fact one of the writers is Sue Hoppin, Military Spouse & Family Advocate. The foreword of the book is written by none other than Tanya Biank…that’s right ladies the author of Army Wives. I figured well if an army wife is supporting it & a military spouse is writing it then maybe it won’t be half bad.
Cheat Sheet
The first page of the book is a tear-out page called the Cheat Sheet. The Cheat Sheet has really good information for a quick glance instead of having to thumb through the whole book for that one little item you need. In Building a Successful Military Family the authors, “…boil it down to a few pointers that they want you to always remember…” (Cheat Sheet side 1).
- Be flexible!
- Respect each other’s dreams & goals.
- Manage expectations.
- Develop family rituals.
- Maintain an open line of communication.
- Take advantage of all opportunities afforded to you by the military.
- Remember that you are just as important to the mission as your service-member spouse.
Part IV: Mastering Deployment
Whether or not you buy the book the fourth part is definitely going to be one of the most helpful. We all wish we had that one extra day to spend with our husbands before they deploy but when the military says go…They go. In Mastering Deployment you will find four chapters dedicated to helping you as a family through the tough times. The part I am reading currently is Understanding the Emotional Cycles of Deployment. From pages 227-235 the book lays out different emotions we may or may not feel; everyone deals with deployment differently.
- Anticipation of Departure
- Detachment & Withdrawal
- Emotional Disorganization
- Recovery & Stabilization
- Anticipation of Return
- Return Adjustment & Renegotiation
- Reintegration & Stabilization
In Closing…
As spouses we need to remember that being a member of the Silent Ranks is like joining the world’s largest sorority. Our sisters are there for us no matter the time & no matter what we need. We need to learn to put aside our pride (we all know we have it) & use the resources given to us. A Family’s Guide to the Military for Dummies is not just another boring how to guide but an actual book that will break things down step by step from the easiest things you will face to the hardest. Give the book a try & remember when you are done with it pass it on to a new family.
My 4th of July
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There have been many times when the Marine Corps has handed me things in life that I’d like to hand right back while screaming at the top of my lungs and throwing a good ole’ fashioned temper tantrum. But my Independence Day celebration reminded me of a positive truth about this lifestyle. Since we all have the ability to concentrate on the negative aspects so well, I thought I’d share a small story that helped me re-discover the joy of this military life of mine.
I am a non-custodial mother that lives about 800 miles away from three of the most precious children you will ever meet. This means that for at least 46 weeks of every year, they go to bed without me tucking them in, struggle through homework without my help in solving the problems, and just live life without me present. It’s not the easiest journey, and you’ll often find me thinking about how it can possibly be changed, but to make a long story short, it’s the best that can be right now.
Over the past two weeks, my husband and I have been blessed to have all of our kids together under our roof. Blessed – and more than slightly chaotic! I drove close to 4,000 miles in less than two weeks to make this happen, so you’ll see immediately how very important it was to us to make this work. Their summer visitation this year is shorter than it should be thanks to frustrations with the ex, but at least it existed and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
On the 4th of July in a town like the one we are stationed in, one has to get a bit nervous about taking children out for the fireworks. We live in Virginia Beach, which is apparently the vacation capitol of the world, or something similar – and no one told us that when we moved here last fall. So, here we are with 4 kids and no desire to brave the masses to watch fireworks. And the Marine Corps moves in.
This is not a moment where the CO messes up every plan you had for pre-deployment leave, nor a time when paychecks are monumentally less than they should be, nor a 2 o’clock in the morning phone call that forces your husband from his bed. This moment came in the form of a man my husband serves with, just offering up his house and yard on a lake, complete with a barbecue and fireworks. The food was amazing, the company even better, and then came the magic.
I watched this young Marine – a new father himself – take my children to the lakeside, and carefully teach them about fireworks. He held the older ones as he taught them how to light one, laughed out loud as the youngest oohed and aahed over the beautiful colors, and once again restored my faith in the brotherhood that we are blessed to be a part of. In those simple acts, he taught my children what a real man is capable of when he sets his mind to caring for those around him more than for himself.
I hope you have a few moments that remind you of the beauty of this military life of ours.
Preparing for Deployment
Posted by: | CommentsPreparing for Deployment….
As I sit at my desk and start writing this blog, my husband’s combat gear, packed and ready to go, is sitting 10 feet from me. I loathe the sight of his flak jacket, Kevlar helmet and miscellaneous other gear that is designed to keep him alive because I know that means he is leaving us again soon. But, at the same time, I am thankful that he has this equipment to keep him safe.
Several different emotions and feelings come to the surface when he gets ready to deploy….anger, guilt, fear, apprehension, sadness and…PRIDE.
Anger and Guilt
Some days I feel ticked at the world because he has to go again. Then the guilt kicks in because I don’t believe I have the right to feel angry because he had already been in the Marine Corps for 6 years when we got married….I knew what I was getting myself in to…this is his job, after all, but the anger still rears its ugly head, regardless if I have the right to feel it or not.
Fear
The fear gets overwhelming at times…fear that he will be injured…or worse. I have to shut my brain off sometimes or my imagination will run away with itself and that is never good.
Apprehension
Will I be able to keep the home running smoothly and take care of the kids by myself? I KNOW I can, I KNOW I am capable…but some days I just don’t want to! I want my husband here to help with the day to day routine and chores of the home. I want him here to help with decision making. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice.
Sadness
It makes me incredibly sad to think of the life moments he is going to miss…3 of the 4 kids’ birthdays, first day of school, the entire fall and winter holiday season and our 12 year anniversary just to name a few.
Pride
Words can not really, truly express how proud I am of my husband and all he has accomplished in his 18+ years as a Marine and for stepping up to defend this wonderful Country we call home.
I’m not sure that Preparing for Deployment is an appropriate title for this blog because I don’t think you can ever totally prepare yourself for the roller coaster ride that is deployment. We just have to buckle our seat belts and hang on tight!
So, I am going to dig out my yellow ribbon and tie it around the old oak tree until he comes home to us….again.
My yellow ribbon tied around the oak tree in my front yard.
Happy 235th Birthday Army !
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“Side by side or miles apart…Best friends are together in heart.”
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Name something you cannot live without…Your phone? Wallet? Keys? For military significant others something we could never live without is our best friends! They get us through those long lonely nights when our men are away. They are there when everything feels like it will fall apart. They serve with us as we live our lives as military wives. Best Friends Day falls on June 8, 2010 so lets celebrate our best friends!
A Little History Lesson…
We set aside days to pay tribute to parents, presidents and professionals. Why not take a day to celebrate the one person we can always turn to? Best Friend’s Day is celebrated on the 8th of June; plus the first Sunday, in August we have Friendship Day which was started by Congress in 1935. In 1997, the United Nations named Winnie the Pooh, as the world’s Ambassador of Friendship.
No one is really sure what were the reasons were for the making of this day, the world scenario of those times most likely played a roll. With the devastating effects of the WWI & increasing hostilities between countries, there was a greater need for friendship and camaraderie not only among nations but also among individuals. With our men & women going off to fight another war we need to raise that camaraderie again we need to show that the spirit of American cannot be & will not be broken.
Real Life Best Friends
At the beginning of this post you saw a picture of two real life best friends. Alexandra & her best friend Stephanie met through the Marine Corps. Unfortunately, they no longer live in the same state but they do travel between San Diego and Las Vegas to see each other.
Alexandra just found out she will be moving to Japan with her husband & as hard as it will be for her other friends it will be the hardest on Stephanie. “Side by side, or miles apart… best friends are together if only by heart.”
Your Best Friend
Celebrate your best friend this June. Take them out for lunch & for manicures. Tell them how much they mean to you. Doing something special like write a letter for them to read & to keep for memories. If you have to move away from your best friend make a scrap book for each other. You will be able to take special memories with you & they will be able to keep the memories you choose for them.
No matter if you are near or far let your best friend know you love them & are thinking about them. It doesn’t have to be on Best Friends Day it could be any day of the week. When life is so uncertain knowing we have one person we can always lean on will make a huge difference in the life of a military wife!
Rox is hitting the airwaves tonight at 8pm ET
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Our CEO Roxanne Reed will be on Army Wife Talk Radio tonight as the Resource of the Week … she will be mentioning our latest project as well!
Make sure to tune in…you can listen to the show live starting at 8pm ET
May is National Photography Month
Posted by: | CommentsDid you know that May is National Photography month? What a great thing to celebrate. Taking pictures is so important. Especially being a military family.
When my husband is home I want to capture as much as possible.
I want a lot of pictures to hold and look at after he has to leave. It’s such a great idea to have that camera out capturing time with daddy! Take it to the park, the zoo, on a walk or anytime your family is together. Capturing even those everyday moments such as a family dinner is such a great idea too.
When he is away, I want to capture what we are doing so I can share it with him. I want to be able to send him picture after picture. I want him to see how the kids are growing and all the fun things they are doing. I want him to still feel apart of the family as much as possible.
Looking for a fun photo project to get motivated to take more pictures?
Commit to taking a picture a day. This is a great way to get use to having your camera out more often. And it can be a lot of fun!
Time moves by quickly and kids grow very fast. Isn’t it so great that we can capture life on film?
The Military Spouse Contest — and the winner is..
Posted by: | CommentsFirst of all – let me apologize for not posting on Friday, May 7th Military Spouse Appreciation Day. It was a an awesome yet crazy day with all the various activities for Military Spouse Appreciation Day , including the very successful Twitter Party hosted by our Director of Social Media Tammy Munson (Congrats!!! )
So without for adieu– I’m proud to announce that the winner for the
2010 Military Spouse Appreciation Day Contest is …..
JENNIFER DANIELS
Jennifer — we will be emailing you at the address you provided on the comment form. : )
Thank you to everyone who entered the contest and we’ll be doing another contest very soon.
Armed Forces Day – May 15, 2010
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There are many holidays that honor our servicemen and women. Each holiday is different, but they all hold the same theme. Recognition. Armed Forces day is upon us, and I like to take the time to consider just how important our Armed Forces really are.
Armed Forces day is celebrated the third Saturday in May, and was created in 1949 following the combination of each branch of military in the Department of Defense. It was established to acknowledge those who serve in any war that America is a part of.
As an Army wife, I can’t help but beam at the fact that there are holidays to honor my husband. Being a military family, you can’t help but wonder sometimes if it’s all worth it. I mean, sure, there’s the healthcare, the occasional military discount, and the housing allowance.
But with all the other things we go through to support our loved ones in uniform, the only thing we can really rely upon is the sense of pride that we have for what they do.
My husband just returned from his second year long deployment, and as much as I hated him being gone, as much as I wanted to yell at the Generals I’d see on Fort Hood for sending my husband to fly around in a combat zone, (Even though they had nothing to do with it. I still was as proud as a peacock that my husband was doing what so many before him had done….defend our nation.
The Armed Forces have done so much for our country, and without those who have sacrificed life and limb, time from wives and children, and the comforts of home, we would not be where we are today.
As far as I’m concerned, every day honors the work that our veterans have done. The fact that I was able to enjoy Mother’s Day with my family, order pizza last night, and take a walk in my neighborhood yesterday is all because of our Armed Forces.
So thank you…to all those who have served, are serving, or will serve.
What does Armed Forces Day mean for you? Is it just another holiday,or is it something more?
Blogger Brigade
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I am so very proud to introduce a new project here at Jane Wayne Gear — its called the Blogger Brigade. We have a recruited a team of awesome women across all branches to share their REAL military life here on the blog. Don’t forget to join us on Twitter TONIGHT at 9pm EST for our Twitter Party! : )
So let’s meet them -
BJ Thomas aka USMCtankmama
Hello! I have been a Marine Wife for 11 ½ years. My husband has 18 years in The Corps and we are counting down to retirement….WOO HOO!! I am a stay at home Mom to 4 daughters ages 13 through 5.
In my spare time (insert laugh here) I enjoy reading novels; my favorite author is Diana Gabaldon. I also love to ride my motorcycle whenever I get the chance and like to take pictures. Someday I would like to go to school for photography.
I was born and raised in North Western Pennsylvania but have lived in North Carolina, Washington State, Kentucky and California since being married to my husband. We currently live in North Carolina…again
Julie Provost aka JulieTheArmyWife
I am Julie, 31 and been married to my Soldier Ben for 7.5 years now. We have two little boys, 5 and 3. My husband and I are both originally from California. We just moved to Ft. Campbell after spending 4 years in Germany. We have been through 2 deployments and been an Army family for 4.5 years now. I am a SAHM, photographer & blogger.
Audra Kelly aka UH60 Sweetheart
I am a veteran of the US Army, and the US Navy, and now I am serving my country through my husband, who is a Blackhawk Pilot in the Army. I am a stay at home mother of 3. 2 girls, ages 5 and 3, and my son who will be 1 year old in July, 2010. I have a passion for writing, as well as helping military spouses through tough times. I am the treasurer for my FRG, and am an advocate for the humane treatment of animals. We are currently stationed at Fort Hood, TX, but will be PCSing to Fort Rucker, AL this summer.
I work with All Fired Up and Jane Wayne Gear as a consultant, and love the products they offer, as well as the mentoring for fellow military spouses. I absolutely adore being married to a soldier, and I am constantly beaming from his accomplishments as a pilot, husband and father.
Angela Martin aka NavyWife1220
I am Angela! I have my AA in History & I plan on receiving my BA in European History. I’ve decided I want to be an author. Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. I was born an east coast girl but raised to be a west coast girl. I love tank tops and believe in wearing my flip flops and sunglasses no matter the weather.
Being a Navy wife means even more of an adventure! Home is where the Navy sends us but our hearts will always be in California. Look beside each sailor and you will find the people who fight with them. The spouses, the sons, the daughters, the families, we serve too and I am proud to call myself an Navy wife.
Megan Murphy aka A Grunt’s Wife
I am the mother of four beautiful children (three from a previous marriage) and wife to an 0369 Marine Grunt. He served 12 years at Camp Lejeune, NC, and got 8 deployments under his belt before they made him stop deploying and take a new duty station.
We are now in Virginia Beach, VA, where he serves as the Staff Non-Commissioned Officer In Charge (SNCOIC) for the Designated Marksmanship course during a 3-year non-deployable B Billet.
I stay at home to take care of the youngest bundle of joy. Rhyan came into the world 3 weeks into her daddy’s last deployment and missed getting to know him for the first 6 months of her life. I write often about the joys and struggles of military life, the stressors of being a non-custodial parent to my oldest three children, and the beauty in the small things in life.
Stacie May aka StacieLynn
I hail from the “Vacationland” state of Maine, though I lived in Massachusetts until I graduated high school. My husband and I got to know each other the old fashioned way; through letters while he was deployed in Iraq. After he came home and he could deal with my sarcasm, I knew he was a winner. We married in September 2009 and drove down to Jacksonville, North Carolina with everything we owned packed in a Subaru. Since then we’ve acquired much more including our miniature Dachshund named “Sookie”. Despite an often absent husband, I’ve learned to love this life and the awesome “marine wives” I’ve met along the way.
Traci Cook aka MyArmy Life
Sixteen. Seven. Two. Answers to my basic Army-wife questions … How many years in the Army? Sixteen and counting. How many moves have we made? Seven (and counting). How many totally adorable children do I have? Two (and not counting on more).
My husband and I are native Texans currently stationed at Fort Hood. I love volunteering for my kids’ school and sporting events, blogging, social media, and reading. I work parttime from home as a website content administrator and social media coordinator … so you can see me online a lot of the time.
We’ve thrived through three deployments and are enjoying some good ole Army dwell time right now. We love the Army life, challenges and all, and look forward to more fabulous fun to come.