Archive for Military Spouses
A Family’s Guide…For Dummies
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A Family's Guide to the Military For Dummies
I suppose we have all read the military books on how to be a good spouse…have they helped? After awhile I gave up on how to books, I wanted to read something I could relate to a little bit better. I read some great books by some amazing mil-spouse authors. Then I came across a how to book that I just couldn’t pass up. Now bare in mind I am not being paid to write this but I thought it’d be worth sharing. A Family’s Guide to the Military for Dummies is a great resource.
Skeptical
I was definitely unsure about the book at first. How would people who right books on subjects all over the place know anything about military family life? What really drew me in was the fact one of the writers is Sue Hoppin, Military Spouse & Family Advocate. The foreword of the book is written by none other than Tanya Biank…that’s right ladies the author of Army Wives. I figured well if an army wife is supporting it & a military spouse is writing it then maybe it won’t be half bad.
Cheat Sheet
The first page of the book is a tear-out page called the Cheat Sheet. The Cheat Sheet has really good information for a quick glance instead of having to thumb through the whole book for that one little item you need. In Building a Successful Military Family the authors, “…boil it down to a few pointers that they want you to always remember…” (Cheat Sheet side 1).
- Be flexible!
- Respect each other’s dreams & goals.
- Manage expectations.
- Develop family rituals.
- Maintain an open line of communication.
- Take advantage of all opportunities afforded to you by the military.
- Remember that you are just as important to the mission as your service-member spouse.
Part IV: Mastering Deployment
Whether or not you buy the book the fourth part is definitely going to be one of the most helpful. We all wish we had that one extra day to spend with our husbands before they deploy but when the military says go…They go. In Mastering Deployment you will find four chapters dedicated to helping you as a family through the tough times. The part I am reading currently is Understanding the Emotional Cycles of Deployment. From pages 227-235 the book lays out different emotions we may or may not feel; everyone deals with deployment differently.
- Anticipation of Departure
- Detachment & Withdrawal
- Emotional Disorganization
- Recovery & Stabilization
- Anticipation of Return
- Return Adjustment & Renegotiation
- Reintegration & Stabilization
In Closing…
As spouses we need to remember that being a member of the Silent Ranks is like joining the world’s largest sorority. Our sisters are there for us no matter the time & no matter what we need. We need to learn to put aside our pride (we all know we have it) & use the resources given to us. A Family’s Guide to the Military for Dummies is not just another boring how to guide but an actual book that will break things down step by step from the easiest things you will face to the hardest. Give the book a try & remember when you are done with it pass it on to a new family.
“Do these jeans make my homecoming look big?”
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My phone rang…”This is your Family Readiness Officer, informing you that we have recieved a stop-mail date…”
It is the end of July and there is a light at the end of my deployment tunnel…I can’t send any more mail! Now comes what my Chaplain calls “The Four Horsemen”, “Will my husband have changed?“, “Have I changed?“, “Will he still love me?“, “Will he be supportive of the decisions I have made?“. These are the questions that plague us all when the reality of our loved one returning home (soon!) hits. Fortunately for me, I can answer the question, “Will he still love me?“, pretty easily. I have no doubts there! After our first deployment together of course we have both changed. I have become more confident, more independent, and I’ve discovered that I am, in fact, one tough cookie. I’ve also discovered many more recipes to pack back on the 29 pounds my husband has lost! With homecoming on the horizon I can’t help but think, “Will he like the new me? What if he has become a different person? Will he like the number in our bank account?“.
Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond excited for the buses to pull up and for my handsome husband to step his boots onto American soil again but homecoming is the one aspect of military life that civilians really don’t understand. There are hugs and kisses and balloons and a ride off into the sunset (all in slow-motion and with perfect lighting)…but when you’ve learned to live alone (or to be mommy AND daddy) sharing your home again can be stressful. I am very prepared for my eye to twitch when I find a pile of crumpled, dirty cammies on the bedroom floor (at least the first dozen times or so…) or coffee dripped on the counter. It’s unreasonable to expect the perfect movie ending to a long seperation. It’s kinda like breaking in a new pair of jeans. At first they can pinch in all the wrong places but after a couple weeks of wearing them you have that comfy worn in feeling and you don’t ever want to take them off.
When I ride in past the gate, park and stand with my “Welcome Home!” banner, I will be about to put on those brand new jeans….but I know soon enough they’ll be like a second skin. And then those “Four Horsemen” can ride off into the sunset alone.
Thinking about Independence Day
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As we approach our Nation’s birthday, I am always reminded of the service and sacrifice of so many who have come before us. From the day that we adopted the Declaration of Independence in 1776 until today, brave men and women have served, sacrificed, fought, and died to preserve it. Freedom truly is not free.
Growing up, the Fourth of July was a fun holiday in my family. We would usually spend the day at the lake, cooking out, swimming, and swirling sparklers while we watched fireworks over the water. It wasn’t until I married a Soldier that this holiday – and so many others – evoked a different kind of emotion in me.
My first Independence Day away from my home country was spent at a Korean-American Rodeo in South Korea, where my Soldier was stationed. As I listened to the beginning bars of the Star Spangled Banner, I developed a lump in my throat and was moved to tears watching our flag fly, whipping in the wind. It was a special reminder to me of the many freedoms and privileges we have as Americans and a moment I will never forget.
In today’s military, Families have grown accustomed to living on foreign soil, enduring long separations from loved ones, and celebrating various life milestones alone or via email, video teleconference, or telephone. Sending a deployed parent a summary of significant events by letter or photo is commonplace and military kids are learning how to cope with a parent deployed. When a patriotic celebration occurs, it is all that much more significant in the hearts of these who currently serve.
I think, too, of the Families who have lost their service member in our ongoing fight for freedom. Gold Star Families – those who have lost a service member – are especially poignant in my mind on this day of celebrating the very freedoms they died to secure. These are today’s true heroes … and have given so much for a country that will remain eternally grateful.
So as I head to Fort Hood’s Freedom Fest this 4th of July – decked out in red, white, and blue and bringing with me all the family and friends I can gather – I will remember all those who have gone before us to make this day possible, and precious, in the heart of every American. Happy Independence Day!
Roxanne on Army Wife Talk Radio
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Last month, our CEO/Founder Roxanne Reed was a special guest on Army Wife Talk Radio. She was there talking about the Jane Wayne Mentoring program as well as the new project that she will be launching next month.
Make sure to take a listen — Click here for the MP3
You can also find out more information about the upcoming project Building Business Military Spouse Style on Twitter and Facebook as well.
“A friend loves at all times.”
Posted by: | CommentsThere are so many b
est friends that I am thankful for this year on June 8th, also known as, “Best Friends Day”!
I have my best friend from elementary school, Maegan, who I can go weeks without talking to and when I pick up the phone and call it’s like we just talked yesterday. I have my best friend Pamela, who I grew up with and spent almost everyday after school with. I have my best friend Molly, who has been there through my toughest life moments and was my maid of honor when I got married. All of these women mean a lot of me and keep me grounded to my life back home.
Of course, I also have my best friend Cait, who I met while my husband was walking our dog and who has been a constant help in my new “marine dependent” life.
I can always talk about deployment and field operations with my other friends, but it takes a lot of explaining and they try but still don’t really understand. The second I tell Cait about these things she laughs and we rant and we both feel much better. I know I helped her get through her husband’s deployment and I am so thankful I have her to help me get through my husband’s current deployment. When I am worried she listens to my fears, and lets me complain about things I have no control over with a non-judmental ear. She also lets me know when it’s time to put on my big girl panties and suck it up!
While my husband is deployed I have a lot more free time on my hands and Cait is always there to include me in her plans with her husband. They’ve brought me on shopping trips to Raleigh and countless outings to the beach and for that I am very thankful. Neither of us can cook for less than 4 people (our husbands’ single friends love us) so she invites me over for dinner very often since I don’t cook very much while I’m alone. Of course friendship isn’t just about what a friend can do for me, but more about the feeling that you are not alone in your struggles. I’m reminded of a favorite quote, “Joy shared is joy multiplied, while a sorrow shared is sorrow divided”. We revel in each others’ joy (homecomings!!) and help bear the burden of each others’ load together (long deployment nights spent worrying). And who else will look at me and say, “Ooh-Rah”, with sweat pouring down their face when we have a great workout at the gym?
Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for all the spouses I’ve made friends with!
It’s just that Cait and I share that special something that will keep us friends even when my husband and I move back to Maine and are once again considered civilians. She’s told me time and again if I ever missed this crazy life I could always come visit her at another duty station. She will always be on my Christmas card list, and I will always think of her when I lay my head down at night and review all the reasons that I’m blessed in this life.
She’s not just a friend while my husband is active duty, she is a friend I will cherish and love for the rest of my days. I can only thank the Marine Corps for bringing us together.
A Marine Spouse Appreciation Event
Posted by: | CommentsOn May 7, 2010, we participated with Marine Corps Community Services in the Marine Spouse Appreciation “Beauty Boot Camp” held at Henderson Hall in Arlington, Virginia.
There were over 85 spouses and 23 participants providing services and information in attendance at the event! Massages, makeovers, blood pressure checks, manicures, self-defense techniques, and teeth-whitening were some of the services available. Information was provided on health and wellness along with Marine Corps family programs and career opportunities. Pink camouflage gift bags with our sponsors’ logos were given to each participant. The bags were filled with make-up samples and information from MCCS. The event boasted 25 door prizes in 3 hours, thanks to amazing sponsors!
We had such a wonderful time with these ladies and can’t wait for next year’s event! Below are some great pictures we wanted to share with you.
Happy Birthday BJ
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Happy birthday BJ — member of our Blogger Brigade
From Rox , Tammy and the Jane Wayne Staff
Lori Bell Named Military Spouse of the Year!
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Thank you Lori Bell for representing the best of the best!
Lori –
It was a pleasure being there that day to see you win this award! Best of luck this year and know that you are making a difference in the lives of military spouses worldwide!
Big Hugs & Lots of love from the Design Company of Military Wives!
May is National Photography Month
Posted by: | CommentsDid you know that May is National Photography month? What a great thing to celebrate. Taking pictures is so important. Especially being a military family.
When my husband is home I want to capture as much as possible.
I want a lot of pictures to hold and look at after he has to leave. It’s such a great idea to have that camera out capturing time with daddy! Take it to the park, the zoo, on a walk or anytime your family is together. Capturing even those everyday moments such as a family dinner is such a great idea too.
When he is away, I want to capture what we are doing so I can share it with him. I want to be able to send him picture after picture. I want him to see how the kids are growing and all the fun things they are doing. I want him to still feel apart of the family as much as possible.
Looking for a fun photo project to get motivated to take more pictures?
Commit to taking a picture a day. This is a great way to get use to having your camera out more often. And it can be a lot of fun!
Time moves by quickly and kids grow very fast. Isn’t it so great that we can capture life on film?
Armed Forces Day – May 15, 2010
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There are many holidays that honor our servicemen and women. Each holiday is different, but they all hold the same theme. Recognition. Armed Forces day is upon us, and I like to take the time to consider just how important our Armed Forces really are.
Armed Forces day is celebrated the third Saturday in May, and was created in 1949 following the combination of each branch of military in the Department of Defense. It was established to acknowledge those who serve in any war that America is a part of.
As an Army wife, I can’t help but beam at the fact that there are holidays to honor my husband. Being a military family, you can’t help but wonder sometimes if it’s all worth it. I mean, sure, there’s the healthcare, the occasional military discount, and the housing allowance.
But with all the other things we go through to support our loved ones in uniform, the only thing we can really rely upon is the sense of pride that we have for what they do.
My husband just returned from his second year long deployment, and as much as I hated him being gone, as much as I wanted to yell at the Generals I’d see on Fort Hood for sending my husband to fly around in a combat zone, (Even though they had nothing to do with it. I still was as proud as a peacock that my husband was doing what so many before him had done….defend our nation.
The Armed Forces have done so much for our country, and without those who have sacrificed life and limb, time from wives and children, and the comforts of home, we would not be where we are today.
As far as I’m concerned, every day honors the work that our veterans have done. The fact that I was able to enjoy Mother’s Day with my family, order pizza last night, and take a walk in my neighborhood yesterday is all because of our Armed Forces.
So thank you…to all those who have served, are serving, or will serve.
What does Armed Forces Day mean for you? Is it just another holiday,or is it something more?